out of the mouths of babes
Thursday, 22-Jun-00 15:10:32
I have thought for some time if I should talk about my own personal experiences as a child in a cult...after reading this board
for weeks now, and talking with my mom for endless hours, I feel that it is time to talk.
Since there is not need to be nice, I will just be blunt about my experience. I was one of the children forced to do nitrous. At the beach gate house in Santa Cruz, I became the balloon runner almost everyday after school. I was also told to partake in this with the rest of the adults that were there. It was considered a privilage, a right of passage, a "special time just for me"...see my sister didn't arrive home for at least an hour after me, and my mom worked at the flower stand. I remember passing out several times, getting sick, praying I wouldn't have to do it...being 6 years old and waking up on the basement floor, not knowing how I got there or how long I was there from this horrible drug.
To those who say I could have said "NO" I had the fear of JP, I had the fear that my mom would be taken away, and the fear of being put in the bathroom and told one more time to offer up my space, let alone my age at the time kept me obediant.
So to all of those who thought it was a myth, it wasn't!
To those who will accuse my mom of not being responsible, she has taken the time and the energy to heal many things with us and did and has apologized numerous times for it. However, my mom was only awhere of the one time JP told her to let K and me do it. When both of us passed out she was told not to help us, we were supposiably in the "light", that she would be messing with his "work". She then expressed that K and I were never to do it again, and set up someone to be responsible for us until she got home from work. Well, all I can say is everybody listened to JP so it didn't really matter what my moms rules were, especially if JP contridicted them. Also, anyone who knows my family, knows this was a huge turning point for my mom leaving the "work". (THANK GOD!!!)
MOM I FORGIVE YOU AND LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART!!!!
On the note of people watching or being responsibe for us, there were certain people we LOVED, others who passed us off to others and so on...one time we were even left for a few days because so many people passed us off, that everybody thought we were covered...remember I was only the age of a 1st grader being left to fend for myself. (should I have even known how to boil water at that age?)
I remember once sneezing with the refrigerater door open at the beach gate house, and A and J throwing all the food away, offering up and oming over the refrig and telling me it was my fault that nobody would be able to eat that night...Thanks guys, what a trip to put on a 6 year old.
The stories are countless that I have. But I wanted to share that horrible things did happen, they are not just here say...yes, we smoked pot too, yes, my sister was sexually assaulted, yes, we felt abandoned, yes, some people were straight out cruel!!!!
I remember when JP asked my mom to marry him and K and I cried and Begged for her not to...thank god she didnt!!! I remember when my mom tried to leave, and they kept coming...meaning you guys trying to get her to come back. One time being at my grandparents and having JP drive up with a car full of people to talk with her one more time. Moving to Colorado, and him sending people out there, moving again to Mt. Shasta (before it was the cool spot to live) and everybody moving there. JP and the "work" would not leave us alone. It was like a bad dream that kept coming back...they would not let my mom go. They seem to just follow us.
So yes, I believe whole heartedly that JP is and was a cult leader. That he used fear and friendship and lies and deceat to keep people. That he is a very sick man that needs alot of help! (to say the least!!) Do I have anger towards him, YES...my parents, (Thank GOD for my dad too who helped us get all the way out and taught us what real unconditional love from a father was supposed to be) have taken there share of responsibility, but JP and his followers did alot that my mom was not in control of. Yes she brought us into the "work" with her but she never thought that people that were her "friends" would treat her kids like that. Believe me she feels responsible for it ALL, but to me, as adults, all of you who witnessed the abuse we went through as children were responsible too...and to JP who said that was how we were supposed to be treated and taught all of you that it was ok, F--K HIM!!!
To the rest of you who made those years not so scary and horrible, THANK YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART!!!!
Take care, and blessings to you all...
I hope and pray that all of you have come to know what real truth and love are...because it is so wonderful and so differant then the way JP taught.
Peace to you all